YESTERDAY...

It was an awful day yesterday.. I had to accompany one of my relatives who had an abortion.. Witnessing and sharing her grief from the beginning to the end hit me so bad..

As her marriage was problematic and she was on anti-depressants,abortion seemed to be the only choice she had..
We went to the doctor's office first. When he started to examine her with ultrasound,I saw the heartbeats of the baby.. How I wish I didn't..

Then we went to the hospital for the operation. When they got in the OR, a newborn baby came out from another one.. Birth and death at the same time...

Oh,boy.. All I thought for the rest of the day was the selfishness and cruelty of mankind..

I wish I was a bird..

The Silent Cry

Too many voices stay silent
Horrendous acts of butchery
Endless babies aborted

So sad and done so selfishly
Inception of life so precious
Life taken for so little reason
Ended with scalpel in hand
No one to stop death's season
Taken lives by the millions

Cries that will never be heard
Reaching beyond the silence
Years of a child's unspoken word

http://allpoetry.com/poem/1671202

:))

WHICH TYPE OF WOMAN ARE YOU ?? :))

Sweet Ally...

I really miss this show... few others have made me feel so involved.

I started watching Ally McBeal midway thru it's second season and immediately got hooked. It's tendency to keep you involved in the daily goings-on of all it's characters was overwhelming... from the tiniest mishaps to the larger issues, Ally McBeal never ceased to amaze me. I got infatuated with one of the characters (John Cage) and his ability to play a variety of emotions in the same episode always kept me on my toes. Overall, I'd say the show deserves more praise than it did initially...

I miss you Ally...

summer blues..

Plato and Platypus walk into a bar... (Platon bir gün....)

A very very funny book to read and understand Philosophy through everyday life jokes.. For the people who find Philosophy hard to read in normal text books.. Haven't finished yet,but I'm having great time with it.. Let's have a look at other people's reviews..




This New York Times bestseller is the hilarious philosophy course everyone wishes theyd had in school

Outrageously funny, Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . . has been a breakout bestseller ever since authorsand born vaudevilliansThomas Cathcart and Daniel Klein did their schtick on NPRs Weekend Edition. Lively, original, and powerfully informative, Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar . . . is a not-so-reverent crash course through the great philosophical thinkers and traditions, from Existentialism (What do Hegel and Bette Midler have in common?) to Logic (Sherlock Holmes never deduced anything). Philosophy 101 for those who like to take the heavy stuff lightly, this is a joy to readand finally, it all makes sense!

.......

I love this book! I couldn't stop laughing while reading the book and I still can't stop. I (unlike most people) really enjoy philosophy and this book made it even more interesting. I really wish intro philosophy teachers would assign this book for their classes. It would really helps students appreciate philosophy more.
The book is easy to read and most of the jokes are great and really help to bring the philosophical points home. The authors themselves are also funny. I laughed just as much from what the writers said as I did from the jokes throughout the book.
I cannot wait to read the other books in this series and I will definitely recommend this book to all my friends.

I know,I was born in the wrong decade.... (c:

video of the day!!

Thoughts from a harried mom, who is beginning to think some time in a minimum-security, white collar crime prison is looking pretty good.

I WANT TO BE LOCKED UP..

I want to be locked up
Away from everything,
Free from all the craziness
A mother's day can bring.


No planning, shopping, cooking
Three healthy meals a day,
Served up with love to finicky kids
Who throw most of it away.


No constant interruptions,
Dirty laundry on the floor,
Driving everyone every place,
Sibling rivalry (It’s war!)


No one asking me to do things,
Getting mad if I forget,
Me giving up my very self—
I’m the family marionette.


Prison sometimes looks appealing
(Or maybe the looney bin),
I get free time and three square meals;
With nothing to do, I win!


I want to be locked up
For freedom, time and such,
There’s just one obstacle for me:
I love my kids too much!


By Joanna Fuchs

Welcome to the home of Homer.. İzmir..

İzmir, historically also Smyrna, is Turkey's third most populous city and the country's second largest port city after Istanbul. It is located along the outlying waters of the Gulf of İzmir, by the Aegean Sea.



Homer
Homer, referred to as Melesigenes which means "Child of the Meles Brook" is said to have been born in Smyrna. Combined with written evidence, it is generally admitted that Smyrna and Chios put forth the strongest arguments in claiming Homer and the main belief is that he was born in Ionia. A River Meles, still carrying the same name, is located within the city of İzmir, although association with the Homeric river is subject to controversy.

the older ads were way too creative..

Gemini Horoscope for July 2010 by Susan Miller

Here's the July horoscope for the bipolar twins... :))

Over the past year - and possibly last month - you may have seen one or more radical shifts in your financials. The eclipses are concentrating on the two sectors of your chart that deal with money, so are in the process of reinventing your attitude, your lifestyle, and your management regarding money. More specifically, you are changing the way you earn, save, spend, and invest. Although you may have had a few scary moments since the eclipses first came by in Cancer-Capricorn July 2009, you are heading to a more secure place, something you may see by the time you enter July.


Last month the eclipse in Capricorn on June 26 might have created a situation that required you to write a hefty check or make a certain financial agreement, perhaps in terms of a payment plan, commission deal, or contractual agreement.


Happily, this month, just AFTER the solar new moon eclipse of July 11 in Cancer (19 degrees), you can now even up your ledgers. If you didn't lose money, you will still be happy to see more! Sometime in the weeks that follow this eclipse, you may get a surprise check, receive an offer to do a lucrative project, or be awarded a new professional position that pays well. Alternatively, you may make a big purchase or sale.


I am excited about the eclipse of July 11, for it is a new moon that will open a whole new path. Uranus (surprise) and Jupiter (generosity and expansion) will both be outstandingly supportive. This eclipse is so good it may bring you a financial miracle just in the nick of time. Of course, with Uranus, whatever you THINK will happen won't, but something else will! Whatever it is, it seems to have you dancing on the tables!


The eclipse last month, June 26, was lunar, and therefore a full moon, which is always emotional. Full moons mark endings, but this month's new moon eclipse will mark a beginning and will promote objectivity and reason, not drama. All eclipses reveal certain truths that change everything, requiring almost instant decisions and adjustments.


In the financial realm, as a few examples of what may have come up (or still will), you may have learned something about your accountant last month that gave you pause. Or, you may have been horrified to learn that a trusted partner has helped himself to some of your money without your knowledge. You may have noticed a bad error on one of your financial statements made by the bank, or you may have had to act quickly to stamp out identity theft. Last month's eclipse was a very harsh one, so certain circumstances required your quick attention. If nothing was wrong, the eclipse had nothing to show you, so in that case you may have sailed through that eclipse easily. But even if you won the lottery or inherited a million dollars, you still had to quickly figure out how to handle the money or risk losing it all.


This month's July 11 eclipse will bring better news than last month. You won't be looking back but rather forward. Offers to make money should start to come in, and you would be wise to investigate them all. This is quite clearly the best time of the year to earn more income, whether by getting a new job or promotion or if self-employed, by reeling in a new or client. Nothing will happen prior to the eclipse of July 11 - news will come after.


This eclipse is unusual that it will be so outstandingly friendly. Thanks to the help of Uranus and Jupiter, a friend seems to play a key role in the financial opportunity that comes up. Uranus is the planet of surprise, so you won't see this news coming - in fact, it all may come out of left field. It is possible that someone in your immediate family will be somehow involved too, either because this person will work with you as part of the job description, or because a family member will provide the tip or introduction to the VIP who will open the door for you. With Saturn opposed to Uranus, it could mark a big departure from what you've been doing in the past and set you off on a new path.


Jupiter will move back to your house of fame and honors in September and remain there during the duration of the year. This suggests that something you are cooking up now could become public knowledge in a few months - and generate respect for you quite impressively. This all tells me you may have a tiger by the tail, so don't let go! Give all the opportunities that come up now all you've got. Both Uranus and Jupiter will be in Aries, so this suggests something very new and entrepreneurial will catch your eye, and the newness of it all will excite you.


With eclipses going on in Capricorn and Cancer, make sure you don't forget about any financial deadlines or details that you have to attend to in a timely manner. Eclipses look for weak links. If you are doing everything right - sending in payments on time and being responsive when asked for documentation or information - you won't likely have problems. If you can't pay on time, then make an agreement with your creditor or government (in the case of taxes) so that you will be on record as being in compliance. Eclipses are very strong, and you never want to take any sort of risk near an eclipse.


Some Gemini have been dealing with the close of an estate or the sale of others' (or their own) possessions. You may be presenting a business plan to get venture capital, selling a family member's house, or dealing with an insurance claim, child support, or a court case where a large sum of money is at stake. That was all a topic of discussion last month, but this month your attention will shift to earning money, not dealing with packages of money, like one of the examples I just gave.


If the tide took a source of income out over the past year, this eclipse is strong enough - and generous enough - to see the tide bring in something and it seems better than the one lost. That's why you should put the pedal to the metal this month. Rarely have your prospects been THIS outstanding for increasing your stash of cash.


On another note, this month you may be considering the idea of doing some maintenance on your apartment or house. You may be repairing the window seals, cleaning out vents, reupholstering or cleaning furniture, or painting one or more rooms. July and August will be perfect months to clean out closets and to generally get ready for the coming holidays later in the year.


If you want to buy furniture or do anything special to your home, do so soon, as Mercury will be retrograde from August 20 to September 12, not a time you want to be spending for anything expensive, and certainly not for furniture, a mattress, an electronic item, or kitchen appliance. Problems with Mercury will show up as soon as August 6 or so - you would want to act in July if your plans are elaborate.


Now that Saturn will leave your home sector for good this month on July 21 - having been in this house since September 2007 - you will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. You may have struggled to pay a mortgage, had problems with the sale or purchase of a house, or had a great deal of responsibility for a possibly aged parent or other family member. The burdens you shouldered will start to fade and soon will be a distant memory, for Saturn will not be back to this area of your chart again until 2036.


With Venus gracing your home sector this month, you might want to give a party. Perfect - you can do so anytime between July 9 and11.


The end of July will bring news from afar or the opportunity to take a long trip. This will be brought to you by the full moon, July 25, and thanks to incredibly strong support from Jupiter (luck), Uranus (surprise), and Mars (action). This tells me the trip may be to see a friend, or if you cannot travel, you may host a friend in your city. This month seems to brim with surprises and this full moon seems to bring you that.


Alternatively, you may get a surprise assignment or position from a foreign company, say, a foreign publication or TV station / cable company, or you may seal an important contract with a company overseas. News from a college or university could be excellent too, and if you need to take any sort of qualifying test at this time, you will do well.


This full moon, July 25 (but exerting a field of influence of plus or minus four days), is surrounded with a ring of sparkling aspects. Let's look at them.


On July 22, the Sun and Saturn will be chatting over a friendly lunch, allowing you to make fun plans to go away on a short trip if you like.


A day later, on July 23, the Sun and Uranus will be in sync and you'll get a nice surprise from a friend.


Sun and Jupiter will be at perfect angles on July 26, the day after this full moon, clearly one of the most beneficial days of the month for you. Gee, friends will certainly have your best interests in mind and help you in ways that touch you deeply.


If you have a birthday that falls at the end of May, near May 24, plus or minus five days, you will feel the energy of this full moon most, but as you see, it would be hard to imagine any Gemini of any birthday being left out.


Mercury, your ruler, will be extra friendly on the following days, and because your ruler will be a virtual Chatty Cathy, that could be significant to you. It looks like you have an action packed month. Add an eclipse to the mix (happily, a friendly one) and you will have a month that will move VERY fast, with events barreling toward you at rapid rate. In each of the following days, Mercury will be contacting a major planet, so you may want to write down these days on your calendar as advantageous to you.


July 1, travel to see pals or to sign papers. Positive results will come, thanks to Mars in good position. It's also a perfect day to write or do just about anything!


July 9 talks lead to long-range stability and home-related plans, thanks to Saturn's influence.


July 9 also - brilliant ideas will come to you (thanks to Uranus).


July 11- a friend will do you a huge favor (thanks to Jupiter).


July 30 - good financial talks (thanks to Pluto).


Romantically, Mars will enter your true love sector on Thursday, July 29, but will immediately get into an angry row with Uranus. This is a hot aspect and could spell trouble for a friendship or a romantic relationship. People around you will be quick to snap, so keep your head down and out of the line of fire. It would not be the best date night.


Still, having Mars in your romantic sector will be good, and he will stay until September 14. So while you may have a bumpy ride on or near July 29, as you move away from this date, things will improve impressively. August and early September holds possibility for increasing your social life.


Saturn will move into your house of true love to settle in until October 2012. You had a little taste of Saturn from the end of October through early April, but that was a short run, and now you will have a longer experience. Actually, compared to where Saturn's been for over two years, you will find this an easier place to host Saturn.


I say this because anytime a big planet is on one of the key angles of the chart (first, fourth, seventh, or tenth houses), the planet acts in a particularly strong, even wild and untamed, way. You have had Saturn in the fourth house of home for more than two years. Having Saturn here had you pinned to home and family, and to some degree restricted your movements.


Now, in Libra, Saturn won't be in hard angle to your Sun, but rather in a very compatible angle to your Sun. This means you will more easily absorb the lessons of Saturn than you did with Saturn in Virgo. Virgo is earth, you are air - you may have felt smothered by the responsibilities that were keeping you pinned to home base.


Now, with Saturn in Libra, you will adopt a more realistic approach to your love life. You have matured, and you will be ready for a serious relationship. If you are attached, you may be ready for marriage, a house, a child - the whole package. If you already have children, you may want to help your child in a significant way. You and I will talk more about Saturn in Libra, as it's a huge trend.


Most romantic dates: July 1, 3 (lovely), 4, 8-9, 16-17 and 23-26.


The fifth house is also the house of creativity, so in the coming two years, you may start a big project that requires you give all that you have to give. Still, working on this assignment could make you a star, dear Gemini, and that certainly will be worthy of your effort. Be aware that any creative project undertaken now would take more time and money than you expect, so just factor that into your plans and estimates. Again, it would be worth it!



Summary


The unexpected financial news that resulted from the solar eclipse of last month, June 25, will likely be on your mind as you enter July. If you are concerned about your finances, the solar eclipse of July 11 may help you find a new source of income to replace any losses you may have endured. Pluto will oppose that eclipse, though, so be prepared to be competitive and to present your case assertively and with purpose. As they say, negotiate fiercely - as if the rent were due tomorrow. Energy attracts energy!


Some Gemini are dealing with finances that include venture capital, an insurance company, or court case, or are in the process of splitting money in a divorce. Last month's eclipse may have ended things, but if not, watch July 25, as sometimes an eclipse will assert news a month to the day later plus or minus five days. The days surrounding August 6 will also be important.


Stick to your guns, for Mercury will be in perfect angle to Jupiter, indicating your assertive nature and businesslike approach will be met with admiration. Your confidence will prove to VIPs you are the one they need for the job.


With Mars in fastidious Virgo still lighting your home sector, you have the perfect opportunity to clean closets, paint, wash windows and do other repairs, and to check off other maintenance tasks you've meant to do for your home. With Saturn back in your home sector, you might be thinking about tearing down walls or improving your home's structure in some way. Do so between now and July 31, your very best time to get a project done on budget.


With Venus present from June 10 to August 7, you'll love the changes you undertake - you may never want to leave! If you can't get things done in July, you will have more help from the planets in September, so by time the holidays arrive at year's end, your apartment or house can be shipshape.


The upcoming opposition of Saturn and Uranus in July's last week may make you feel pulled in two directions, with the needs of those in one camp clashing with those in another. You will have to try to please everyone as best you can, but don't stress too much. You are a multi-tasking Gemini, after all, so if anyone can pull a rabbit out of a hat, it's you.


Love has been erratic for you, but with Mars about to light your true love sector on July 29 until September 14, you'll start a two-month period where romance will be fun to find. The summer holds plenty of potential. There'll be only one day when you have to be super careful, when Mars and Uranus will be at one another's throats, July 30 - not a good night for fun and love.


Travel could be on the agenda all month. The brilliant full moon weekend of July 24-25 could give you the chance to go quite a distance. If you have no plans, be spontaneous! This trip will be special in every way and could help put other life developments in better perspective.

The best soundtrack album ever: TRAINSPOTTING...

TRAINSPOTTING

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a starter home. Choose dental insurance, leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose your future. But why would anyone want to do a thing like that?

Trainspotting is one of my favorite movies.. The soundtrack of the movie is also unbelievable..

A group of disaffected Scottish youths turn to heroin to escape the banalities of modern-day existence. Then, they begin to suffer the consequences and discover that there are no easy solutions to the inherent loneliness and pain of life.

Dinah Washington-You don't know what love is.. ( I adore this song..)

The Journey from Cecile Davis & Floofie Films on Vimeo.

I love vintage... (c:)

As we talked about ADD, Know you're smart but think you're nuts? Then read this!

I've ordered this book when I was diagnosed as an ADDult.. ( Do you wonder what ADD is? just google it..)

And I totally agree to a book review that I've read on Amazon book reviews..

They say;

first bought this book strictly because of it's title. Having spent 45 years feeling crazy & stupid and being accused of laziness most of my life, I decided this book was for me. I didn't realize how very right I was! When I started to read I realized I was reading about myself. I identified with many of the descriptions of ADD from childhood through to adulthood. It was incredible to learn I was not alone in my daily frustration. This wonderful, informative book started me on a road of self-discovery. I was subsequently tested and diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. The authors describe this "disability" as an "ADD-ed dimension" and they are so right! I now have self-esteem and self pride. My intelligence has been tested and verified .. I'm not lazy, crazy or stupid and I thank the authors of this book for that discovery. This book has changed my life. I can now read a page without losing my place. I don't forget what I'm saying or lose things as often. I have learned that I am one of many who use an additional area of my brain & must therefore learn to "process things differently". I no longer feel timid, ashamed, afraid or just plain different. I can now accept and like myself for the first time in my life.
This book is written in a very "easy-reading" style. There is a wonderful blending of research facts and referenced stories and quips. As an adult diagnosed with ADD at the age of 45, I can attest to the value of this book. I highly recommend "You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy" to anyone who has ever felt they were!

:(

I went to a fabulous restaurant in Kemalpaşa,Yiğitler last night.. I took fantastic pictures and enjoyed my evening.. I was excited that I would show off my pictures of the place.. BUT GUESS WHAT!!! I forgot my usb cable of my cam!!! BS!!! Being an ADDult is hard sometimes...

ref: Turkey..

A TRIBUTE TO O.ZULFU LIVANELI...

After reading one of his novels,Leyla's House, I felt like I have to thank him for everything he has given to Turkish culture.. His music,his novels,his thoughts will keep him alive forever.. (He's alive and healthy though..)

WHO IS HE??

Omer Zulfu Livaneli was born in Ilgin, Turkey in 1946.

After being held under military detention for three months during the coup of March 12 th, 1971, he had to leave Turkey and move to Sweden.

After Stockholm, he lived in Paris and Athens, and he returned to Turkey in 1984.

Livaneli's latest novel "Leyla's House" was published in Turkey in May 2006; as of today it's in its 45th edition and a number one best-seller.

His third novel "Bliss", published in 2002, also a number one best-seller, made 44 editions, became almost a cult work and is recently adapted to cinema in Turkey.

In 2005, "Bliss" was published in Greece and Sweden, and in 2006, it was published in France by Gallimard, in the United States by St.Martin's Press and in Italy by Gremese.

Immediately after its publication in the latter, Bliss was awarded by Barnes & Noble, the biggest bookstore chain in the world, with the annually given "Discover Great New Authors" award due to its "superior literary value".

Bliss will soon be published in Norway by Gylendal and in Netherlands by Prometheus/ Bert Bakker.

His second novel "One Cat One Man One Death", his first novel "The Eunuch of Constantinople" and a collection of his stories titled "A Child in Purgatory" have also been published abroad. Livaneli achieved prominent success not only as a writer but also as a musician and film director. Alongside this brilliant artistic career, he has been a highly influential political figure for the past thirty years.

Being one of the foremost defenders of Turkish-Greek friendship, in 1986, he founded the Greek-Turkish Friendship Committee together with the Greek composer Mikis Theodorakis. In 1995, he was appointed as a Goodwill Ambassador of UNESCO in recognition of his contributions to world peace.

He still continues to work on UNESCO's Culture of Peace programs worldwide. In 2002, he was selected a Member of Parliament. He's still on duty as an independent member of parliament from Istanbul.

He has been writing editorials for different Turkish dailies since 1989.

Here are some of the awards that Livaneli has been honored with:

* Barnes & Noble, 2006 Discover Great New Authors Award, USA

* "Zecchino D'Argento" Best Foreign Song Award in the Zecchino D'Oro contest in Italy (2006)

* Theodorakis Music Award, Greece - June 18, 2006

* Soranos Award for Friendship - September 2005

* Yunus Nadi Novel Award, Turkey - 2001, for the novel "One Cat One Man One Death"

* 37th Antalya Golden Orange Film Festival Lifelong Achievement Award, Turkey - 1999

* "Premio Luigi Tenco" Best Songwriter Award, San Remo, Italy - 1999

* Balkan Literary Award, 1997, for the novel "The Eunuch of Constantinople"

* Valencia Film Festival Golden Palm Award for Best Director - 1989, "Mist"

* Montpellier Film Festival Golden Antigone Award - 1989, "Mist"

* San Sebastian Film Festival, Spain - 1987, OCIC Best Foreign Film Award, "Iron Earth Copper Sky"

* Golden Record of the Year Award - 1986, Livaneli-Theodorakis, for the album "Gunes Topla Benim Icin"

* Edison Awards, Netherlands - 1983, for the album "Farandouri sings Livaneli songs"

* West German Critics Record of the Year Prize - 1983, "Farandouri sings Livaneli songs"

* Cannes Film Festival Golden Palm Award - 1982, "The Road", soundtrack

* Record of the Year in Greece - 1982, "Farandouri sings Livaneli songs"

ISN'T IT ??

LEYLA VIDEO KLİP--JEHAN BARBUR
Yükleyen Turkcerock. - Diğer müzik videolarına göz atın.

Kendinle kalırsın - Jülide Özçelik from cansin on Vimeo.

Mother and Daughter Relationships...

Mother-Daughter Relationships
Whether you act like sisters or sparring partners, you can improve your connection.

The Relationship: Best Friends
You have the kind of “favorite dinner date,” “first on speed dial” relationship that others envy.

Why it’s good:

Operating on a level playing field reflects self-confidence on the part of both mother and daughter. “In terms of healthy communication, having this kind of relationship is a big positive,” says Deborah Tannen, Ph.D., a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, in Washington, D.C., and the author of You're Wearing That?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation .

Why it’s challenging:

Sometimes a daughter needs a parent, not a partner in crime. Studies have confirmed what a lot of women know: When daughters face big life changes, such as becoming parents themselves, they rely on their moms to be experienced advisers, not buddies. This dynamic can be tough for moms, too. They can feel hurt, for instance, when daughters rail at them because they’re slow to master new technology. “Moms who see their daughters as friends expect them to think as though they came out of the same generation,” says Gail Saltz, M.D., a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, in New York City.

Improving relations:

Both parties need to respect their true roles. “It’s important to acknowledge the generation gap,” says Saltz. In other words, act your age. Dads depend on that, too. For example, it’s normal for a daughter to tell her mom her relationship problems, but when a mother divulges hers, it compromises the daughter’s relationship with her father.


The Relationship: Sisterly

You don’t rent DVDs together every night, but you have a deep connection. Still, unlike the “best friends” relationship, an element of competition, similar to sibling rivalry, can exist.

Why it’s good:

You clearly like each other because you want to be like the other, and despite your age difference, you understand one another well.

Why it’s challenging:

That sense of competition. “There’s always some competitive feeling in families, but we repress that,” says Saltz. “It happens here, when roles are blurred and sisterly, because there’s real ammunition. Doors are opening for daughters as they’re closing for mothers.” That can cause resentment and fights, says Saltz. “Also, daughters often compare themselves unfavorably to moms,” she adds. They may think, My mom’s smarter and more successful than I am.

Improving relations:

To mitigate any competitive feelings, Tannen suggests trying to understand what the other might feel rivalrous about and being supportive in those areas. Don’t be competitive in return. If things deteriorate, time apart can help you both identify what you need or don’t need from the other going forward, says Saltz. Talk about it, and start again on new terms.

The Relationship: Clashing Personalities

She’s bullheaded, opinionated, contrary. (And you’re not, of course.) You may share the same genes, but that’s where the similarities end.

Why it’s good:

Your frequent head-butting may not be pretty, but there’s a purpose to all your bickering. “The model of the sensitive, nurturing mother is our cultural expectation, but it’s not the historically dominant one,” says Lee Sharkey, assistant professor of English and women's studies at the University of Maine at Farmington. “That’s not what put food on the table.” Rather, a mother did whatever she could think of to help her children survive. Why it’s challenging: It’s confusing for a grown woman to fight with her mother about things like boyfriends, hair length, or even her mother’s own health care. Each party feels powerless, says Tannen. Moms typically feel ignored and react by badgering. Daughters feel, well, badgered and become defensive.

Improving relations:

“Mothers underestimate their own power and overestimate their daughters’, and vice versa,” says Tannen. Daughters can help by “giving their mothers a sense of their importance during conversation,” says Saltz. Repeating comments in the context of “So you’re saying…” lets Mom know that you’re listening, even if her advice isn’t always heeded.


The Relationship: Reverse Nurture

Your roles are switching, whether it’s due to age, health, finances, or culture, and daughters are better equipped to take care of moms.

Why it’s good:

“As mothers age, even as they develop health problems, we’re seeing the mother-daughter relationship improve,” says Karen Fingerman, an associate professor of child development and family studies at Purdue University, in West Lafayette, Indiana, and the author of Mothers and Their Adult Daughters: Mixed Emotions, Enduring Bonds . Daughters feel needed, mothers feel loved. “Both sides come to accept the other for who she is,” says Fingerman.

Why it’s challenging:

Passing the baton of authority is hard work. “There’s tension, as daughters are faced with demands and uncertainties, and mothers may feel they’re getting help they don’t need,” Fingerman says. These dynamics can be marked in first-generation immigrant families, or if mother and daughter grew up in dissimilar eras or circumstances. The daughter encourages the mother to navigate the culture or times, which can cause friction, says Sharkey.

Improving relations:

Sharkey suggests that daughters make mothers feel more valued as they become less dominant. Spend time thinking and talking about the traditions and the values that you share. This encourages daughters to see their identities as critically and positively linked with their mothers and can help preserve the mothers’ sense of importance.


The Relationship: Enmeshed

No decision gets made without the other’s approval, which can be both a blessing and a curse.

Why it’s good:

“For girls, sameness is equal to closeness. In mothers and daughters, that translates into regarding each other like yardsticks by which they measure themselves, examining where they overlap and differ,” Tannen explains. When things are harmonious, it’s like the ultimate love affair―there’s one person you can always count on.

Why it’s challenging:

With the pressure to be the same, it’s tough to create boundaries. When opinions differ, the stress of trying to gain the other’s approval (or feeling bad because she disapproves) can be overwhelming. “A daughter has to understand that Mom isn’t responsible for her anymore,” says Saltz. “A mother needs to realize that all her daughter’s wins aren’t her own wins; all her losses aren’t her own losses.”

Improving relations:

These relationships are so intense because they’re often driven by a fear of abandonment, says Saltz. She suggests building boundaries slowly. Daughters should emphasize how deeply they value their mothers’ opinions, then make it clear that certain forthcoming decisions will be solo ones. “So many women try to make their mothers agree,” she says. “That’s not necessary―mostly they love you anyway.”

Taken from: http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/mother-daughter-relationships-10000001612778/index.html

Networked student

Go retro!!

ASANSÖR- Karataş,İZMİR

If you are willing to see Izmir especially at night from one of the best views Asansor -Turkish spelling for elevator or lift- is exactly the right place for your desires. Besides all tastes you can enjoy in Asansor, just the view is enough to use this 101 years old elevator.Asansor is just placed at one end of the street is the Beth Israel Synagogue, the largest in İzmir. The synagogue is the most venerable historical witness in this area, which was the hub of İzmir’s – now diminished – Jewish community. In the middle ages Jews who migrated to Anatolia from Spain swelled the existing community of Byzantine Jews.
Standing in front of the entance you will see Dario Moreno Street and smell beautiful jasmines and magnolias along with the pleasant view of old Izmir houses lined in the street.The street named after the 1960’s famaous singer Dario Moreno. You can also find his house – now a museum – on the left side of the street. In the wall of his house you can see his last wish and the poem he wrote…
İzmir, my sweet and beloved city

If one day I should die far from you

Let them bring me here

But when carrying me to my grave

Let them not say HE DIED,

but that he SLEEPS in your embrace

My sweet İzmir..
Then you will see the beautiful Asansor which was built in order to rescue people from climbing 50 meters of 155 stairs. The pair of lifts are contained in a tower-like building 51 metres in height constructed in 1907. The bricks for the tower were shipped from Marseilles.To the left is the building which formerly housed the machine room, but will shortly open as a café and cultural centre. Above the entrance at the base of the tower is a marble plaque bearing the name of the builder Nissim Levy and the construction date.

Man's Search For Meaning- VIKTOR E. FRANKL

'' This timeless, classic book is explosive and essential reading. The author did not intend for it to be a best seller and this dynamic certainly adds to the realism conveyed in its subtle and hard-hitting message. Written from a psychological perspective and dealing with life in a German concentration camp in WWII, this book has an emotional impact that keeps hitting home from many layers long after I turned the last page. The opening paragraph reads: 'This book does not claim to be an account of facts and events but of personal experiences, experiences which millions of prisoners have suffered time and again. It is the inside story of a concentration camp, told by one of its survivors. This tale is not concerned with the great horrors, which have already been described often enough (though less often believed), but with the multitude of small torments. In other words it will try to answer this question: How was everyday life in a concentration camp reflected in the mind of the average prisoner?' He goes on to write, 'What was really needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life, We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.' And, 'Life ultimately means taking responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.' Then, most profoundly, 'These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man, and from moment to moment. Thus it is impossible to define the meaning of life in a general way. Questions about the meaning of life can never be answered by sweeping statements. "Life" does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life's tasks are also very real and concrete. They form man's destiny, which is different and unique for each individual. No man and no destiny can be compared with any other man or any other destiny. No situation repeats itself, and each situation calls for a different response. Sometimes the situation in which a man finds himself may require him to shape his own fate by action. At other timesit is more advantageous for him to make use of an opportunity for contemplation and to realize assets in this way. Sometimes man may be required to simply accept fate, to bear his cross. Every situation is distinguished by its uniqueness, and there is always only one right answer to the problem posed by the situation at hand.' This book found me, rather than me finding it. It is one of those memorable masterpieces that delivers a powerful, personal message surrounded by an aura of realism that captivated me from the first page. Viktor Frankl writes from personal experience and skillfully manages to steer away from the mainstream literature about the attrocities of concentration camps and persecution in WWII. I found myself contemplating destiny at one time whilst reading, with this in mind, here follows an excerpt from the book, about the story of Death in Teheran: 'A rich and mighty Persian once walked in his garden with one of his servants. The servant cried that he had just encountered Death, who had threatened him. He begged his master to give him his fastest horse so that he could make haste and flee to Teheran, which he could reach that same evening. The master consented and the servant galloped off on the horse. On returning to his house, the master himself met Death, and questioned him, "Why did you terrify and threaten my servant?" "I did not threaten him; I only showed surprise in still finding him here when I planned to meet him tonight in Teheran," said Death.'A Man's Search for Meaning is essential reading if you enjoy a wider perspective of life. In fact, I'll be surprised if you can stop yourself from reading it in one sitting.Contents: Part One: Experiences in a Concentration Camp, Part Two: Logotherapy in a Nutshell, Postscript 1984: The Case for a Tragic Optimism '' says Shayne..